Can you believe it? Of course you can’t. Our little Eli turned one year old last week! Holy smokes. Here’s how the party went. Enjoy.

Happy Birthday, little guy!

Yes, you saw it here first. Young Eli took his first steps today. Enjoy.

So did any of you, our loyal subjects, lose a Fujitsu laptop in an interior design store in Newport Beach, CA? See, a good Samaritan who works at StudioChameleon in sunny Newport Beach found the said laptop (which won’t boot up, btw) whose case also contained a CD with photos of Jonah’s birth we posted back on the original Thisevilempire.com. With a bit of sleuthing, she traced it to me. Now I figure that this is a CD I must have made for one of you back in the salad days of 2004, so memory fails. If you lost this computer, please let me know.

For your trouble, here’s a picture of a sign Jonah and I saw in front of a diner in lovely Newark, NJ.

So I couldn’t bring myself to make a bona fide LOLCAT for this — not that we don’t love a good internet meme around here — but I was tempted. The title will suffice.

A funny thing happened today on the way to the Internet. Those of you who have been keeping up with the adventures of Jonah and Eli since before there was even an Eli, may remember this post from January of 2006. Well, we got this in thiseviinbox today from an inquiring gourmand from Glendale, CA:

Hello,

I have been browsing the web for about a week looking for a place in California that sells whole smoked alligator. I found your website (cute lil guy btw) and I saw the photo you took in a Los Angeles store. Do you remember the name or address of the store by any chance? Thank you for your time.

Looks like this culinary daredevil came upon our post which, as you can see includes a brief note on how we saw a very impressive looking smoked alligator at a Russian store in the San Fernando valley on New Year’s Eve and included the scary photo at the top of this post. So I emailed this very nice guy (who asked that he remain annonymous) with the name and address of the store (Rasputin International Food, 17159 Ventura Blvd, Encino, CA 91316, for you hungry Russophiles) and asked:

Why, if I may ask, would you want a whole smoked alligator? Is smoked alligator meat tasty? Is it specific to a particular region? I have never tried it, but am curious.

In a few minutes I got this response:

Thank you for your help! I have not tried alligator myself yet but I have heard that alligator meat is supposed to taste kind of like chicken and frog legs. I am going to use it as the centerpiece for a seafood buffet, it is actually kind of hard to find these guys because the USDA does not really approve of people eating them. Thanks again for the information and I hope you and your family keep bloggin!

More proof that you can find anything on the internet, including reliable intel on the whereabouts of a scrumptious smoked aligator. That has got to be some seafood buffet this guy is planning — I’m a little jealous and, for the record, I would love to bite that alligator regardless of what the USDA would say about it. Everybody knows that smoked = delicious.

We’ve been quiet for some time. Sure, I know, I know. Well, we’re going to try some mobile blogging to jump start this site by way of experimenting with WordPress app for the iPhone.

To start us off, here are a few pics of Jonah from his swimming class.

They say New Jersey schools are among the best in the country. Well, they sure do take nice pictures. Note the fresh sweater vest on J-Dogg and the cool, calm and collected look on young Eli, affectionately referred to as Easy-E (apologies) by all who have the pleasure of his company. Look how happy these children are to be getting an edumacation. Nothin’ like booklarnin’, I tells ya.

Enjoy. More to come soon (or thisevilempress aka Mommy may never talk to me again).

Little brother.

Well, loyal subjects, it has been too long. We certainly hope that you are still loyal cuz’, boy, have we lots of news.

When you heard from us last in June, you didn’t hear that we were expecting (one of us, at least) and that we were on our way out of our beloved Brooklyn and headed for the green hills of Essex County, New Jersey where battle-weary Brooklynites go to reevaluate their priorities.

And that was wrong. We should have told you. And we certainly should have kept you up to date with the adventures of the Dread Pirate Mr. Jonesy Bones, aka Young Master Jonah.

So here you go: a few pics of Jonah deep in thought about his radio controlled monster truck to tide you over until our next post which, we promise, won’t be in three more months.

Oh, we almost forgot. Here’s a photo of Jonah and Dolph Lundgren from this summer. Enjoy.

So we missed May. What of it? There’s a lot happening right now and we will be sure to keep you informed in future posts. In the meantime, here’s a taste of Jonah’s very first “art projeck” with his father: a little painting with light. Many thanks to our handy dandy mini MagLite and the Nikon Corporation of Japan. Jonah and I expect an endorsement deal at any moment.

You gotta love cell phone cameras. We already know that Jonah rocks. And, now, here he is rockin’ again. This time, he’s rockin’ Guitar Hero on the XBox at a local electronics store. Note the ginormous screen. Rock on, Jonah, rock on.

Well, we’ve done it. We’ve dispensed with the stroller for the long walk to daycare. Now that the weather has improved, young Jonah can do the whole 15+ minute walk like a champ. Here are a few choice shots of Jonah on his way to school on a chilly April morning.

Oh the things you can see in Brooklyn. Just the other day, young Jonah, the avid amateur ornithologist that he is, caught a glimpse of a peregrine falcon, one of a handful of that make NYC their home. First, Jonah’s pop sees a red tailed hawk sitting in the middle of a lawn in Madison Square park enjoying a squirrel snack, then the fastest creature on earth (really) is seen chillin’ on top of a building right across from our apartment. Wow.

Here’s a short video of our falcon and a closeup still of the said bird with a tasty pigeon firmly in its talons.http://www.thisevilempire.com/brooklynfalconjonah.flv

Pretty cool, no?

So we’re a little late. Big deal. Happy 2007, y’all.

Oh 2. What an age 2 is. At 2, the child begins to really express himself. He says things like “No!” and “I don’t want it!” He learns to throw. He learns to push buttons. Your buttons. And he knows just the right combination. If you resist his will, he will push back with the tenacity of a school of piranha. Really hungry ones. But he is cute. And it’s a good thing too.

Here’s a bit of photojournalism: a small example — well out of context — of young master Jonah being 2. Being 2 oh so well.

Much gratitude to our old friend Jimmy G of bavatuesdays and Planet Miles for the flickr slideshow code and the help in getting it to work right.

Just in time for Halloween (give or take a week), here’s a little memento of being two: one moment you’re as happy as a clam, doing the spinny dance in your cool fireman costume to a local band laying down some classic rock during Fort Greene Halloween festivities, and the next you’re running for your life from some dude in a Target fright wig who thinks it might be fun to pretend to scare a two year old doing the spinny dance! Trick or treat. Take a look.

Big thanks to our friend Jeff Dubin for the video and to Nona Kate for the nifty costume.

Young master Jonah turned 2 yesterday. That’s right 2 — 24 whole months. Here are the vitals:

Height: a hair under 3 feet (95th percentile)
Weght: 28.75 lbs (50th - 75th percentile)
Reach: 35 inches
Nicknames: “Jonesy,” “Bonesy,” “Bones,” “Joneeners,” “El Commandante Supremo”
Favorite foods: “PIZZA!!!,” “bean beans” (green beans — yes, you read that right), mango
Favorite phrases: “Hi guys!,” “Wanna go paymound,” “I see you!!,” “Daddy funny” (really!)
Longest sentence: “Dis is Jonah’s very cool Cookie Monster shirt!”
Favorite books: Edwina the Dinosaur Who Didn’t Know She was Extinct, The Carrot Seed, Knuffle Bunny
Favorite songs: “Apples and Bananas,” “Sing,” “Happy Tappin’ with Elmo”
Favorite toys: toy cell phone (oy!), Legos (not that he knows what to do with them), See and Say
Favorite T-Shirt: a very cool Cookie Monster shirt

Much love to Kaya and her folks at dushtumay.sahawaltzer.org for the great idea.

Yes, Jonah rocks the house. Check out these pics of Jonah having a rockin’ good time at the Liberty Tap Room in Red Hook, Brooklyn — home of the real School of Rock. Rock on Jonah boy. Rock on.

As some of you already know, young Jonah just got back from a week’s vacation in the fair land of Scotland. Yes, that’s right, beautiful Scotland where the cows are shaggy, where everybody wears skirts, and where a cup of watery coffee costs as much as a Starbucks franchise. Our wee lad had a grand time in the bonny highlands where his parents were easily able to fulfil their promises of sheep, cows and castles. Here are some pics. Enjoy.

On the Isle of Skye.

With his Ferrari on the Skye ferry.

Looking out at Oban.

In Inverary with a proper Scottish rice cake. Note the rainbow.

In the Nevis Range, near Ben Nevis, Great Britain’s tallest mountain.

Jonah just prior to his arrest.

In the beloved backpack at Inverary Castle, home of Jonah’s new best friend, the 13th Duke of Argyll.

Jonah enjoys the company of the Malkie Tappit Tartan Army of Falkirk (or something like that), some of Scotland’s most loyal footie fans in their nifty kilts.

How did young Jonah make it through the awful horrible heatwave of Summer ‘06? By staying cool at one of his favorite parks. Take a look!

Guess who stopped by for Jonah’s extra special Hawaiian themed graduation party at the Hanson Place Child Development Center? That’s right! The Honorable Rep. Edolphus Towns (D) of the 10th Congressional District in Brooklyn, NY. Click on the image above or the play button to hear Rep. Towns offer some valuable advice to one of his youngest constituents.

When you saw it first in 2001: A Space Odyssey, you probably wanted Dr. Heywood Floyd to bring you a bushbaby too. Thanks to the marvels of modern science, Jonah now gets to see his Baba and Deda every day even though they’re all the way in California. This is pretty darned cool. Hooray for technology!!!

Oh, and sorry for the 4 notification emails. For the record, the number of notifications you receive does not necessarily correspond to our level of excitement over what’s in the post. (Although we are pretty excited.)

Those crazy kids on the internets with their webcams, YouTubes and Myspaces!!! Always up to hamming it up for the cameras, Jonah is not one to miss out on the latest trend. We offer you, then, his latest webcam hijinks. The music, as they say in the biz, is non-diegetic. Just click on the image below to watch.

As always, a QT version is available here.

Well, it’s been a while. For good reason, though. Jonah took his mom and pop to Massachussetts for a little vacation on the beach with his Baba and Deda who flew out from the left coast. Here are a few pics:

Thanks, Charlie, for use of your awesome house yet again.

Yes, Jennie is now a soccer mom. Just in time for the FIFA World Cup, we give you our favorite little hooligan playing some good old fashioned football with his good friend Dr. Ian Marshall of Plainfield, New Jersey.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with English Premiership soccer (I’m guessing only a scant few), “You’ll Never Walk Alone” is the anthem of Liverpool FC, Ian’s favourite team. A Quicktime version is available here.

Ladies and gentlemen, the alpaca!

Click on the image above or the play button to start the movie. (Many thanks to Jimmy of Planet Miles and Bavatuesdays fame for the FLV Player plugin tip.) Click here to watch a Quicktime version the old fashioned way.